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Jim Gaffigan on what dads really want on Father's Day

22.06.20, 01:11

Did you know that the number one gift dads want on Father's Day is a phone call from their children?  That's right. Not a tie, not a book, not a bottle of booze, not barbeque equipment. Not even one of those ugly, impersonal World's Best Dad coffee mugs (which, by the way, no dad wants).

Forty-seven percent of all dads just want a phone call from their children. You know what? That makes sense. That's all I want.

Jim Gaffigan on what dads really want. CBS News

You see, if I got a phone call from children ... I guess I should explain. I've spent the last three months with my children, and only my children.  That's 101 days of "quality time" with my kids (and only my kids). But who's keeping track of time?

If you're playing at home, that's over 2,400 hours of just them and me.

But if they called me on Father's Day, that would mean they wouldn't be around me.  I wouldn't be able to hear them scream and complain. 

And if they called me, I would know they were calling and I would let the call go to voicemail. Then I would text: "Sorry, I can't talk right now, call you in 5 minutes."  But I'd never call. 

That would be the best Father's Day ever.   

I'm kidding, kind of. 

Happy Father's Day everyone! Call your Dad! Especially if you live with him.

See also: 

  • Week 1: Family life under lockdown
  • Week 2: Life in quarantine is like a sitcom
  • Week 3: Spring arrives!
  • Week 4: Lessons of "distance learning"
  • Week 5: Kids, quarantine and sanity are not compatible
  • Week 6: Consuming all news, all the time
  • Week 7: Jim Gaffigan discovers he misses strangers
  • Week 8: On sharing dinner with the masses
  • Week 9: On living in unprecedented times
  • Week 10: Are we REALLY all in this together?
  • Week 11: On not knowing what comes next

For more info: 

  • Follow @JimGaffigan on Twitter
  • Watch "Dinner with the Gaffigans" on YouTube

Story produced by Sara Kugel. Editor: Chad Cardin. Illustrations: Mitch Butler.

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